leftovers

Thanksgiving is that very special holiday when we take a break from our hectic everyday lives to spend quality time with our loved ones, rediscovering all the reasons why we don't actually live with them. But Thanksgiving is also a spiritual time of quiet reflection -- a time when we pause to remember, as generations have remembered before us, that an improperly cooked turkey is -- in the words of the U.S. Department of Agriculture -- "a ticking Meat Bomb of Death."

Yes, it is a tragic but statistical fact that every Thanksgiving, undercooked turkeys claim the lives of an estimated 53 billion Americans (source: Dan Rather). Sometimes the cause is deadly bacteria; sometimes -- in cases of extreme undercooking -- the turkey actually springs up from the carving platter and pecks the would-be carver to death.
The only way to be sure you've killed all the bacteria in your turkey is to cook it until a meat thermometer inserted into the breast melts, indicating that the turkey has attained the same internal temperature as the sun. "Basically," advises the surgeon general, "you want to be serving your family a 16-pound charcoal briquette."
Even then you should keep a flamethrower handy. Speaking of which: The "hot" new Thanksgiving culinary trend is to cook turkeys in big deep-fat fryers, which are hugely popular because they give guys an excuse to spend Thanksgiving outside drinking beer and messing around with a device that could potentially destroy an entire neighborhood. Now that guys have decided to become seriously involved in Thanksgiving food preparation, it's only a matter of time before they come up with a recipe for mashed potatoes that involves a grenade launcher.
Of course, not everybody is comfortable with the idea of eating turkeys, which are, let's face it, living organisms, like dogs, or celery. You may wonder: Is there a more humanitarian option that you can serve for Thanksgiving dinner? There certainly is: It's tofu, a semi-foodlike substance secreted by soybeans as a defense mechanism. Tofu can be used as a high-protein meat substitute, as well as a denture adhesive or tile grout. In its natural state, tofu is tasteless and odorless, but if you form it into a turkey-shaped lump, season it well, add gravy and bake it for two hours in a shallow pan at 350 degrees, you can also use it for minor driveway repairs.

Of course, no Thanksgiving dinner is complete without the pumpkin pie. Here's a recipe for this delicious traditional dessert:

1) Using a dangerous knife, cut the top off a large pumpkin.

2) Inside you will find a mess of stringy, stanky, slimy pumpkin innards. Scoop these out, and discard them.

3) Now, discard the rest of the pumpkin, because the simple truth, obvious to anybody with half a brain, is that no part of the pumpkin looks, smells or tastes anything like so-called "pumpkin" pie. This is why nobody actually makes "pumpkin" pie; everybody buys it at the supermarket. The question is: What does the supermarket put in there? Food and Drug Administration officials are investigating this, and, according to one informed source (Dan Rather), "they think it's tofu."

But enough about food. Thanksgiving is not merely a time of eating until we are big, fat, bloated, carbohydrate balloons lying motionless on the sofa watching the Detroit Lions while actual gravy oozes from our pores. Thanksgiving is also a time of giving thanks -- as the Pilgrims did so many centuries ago -- for the fact that the malls are open on Friday. Otherwise we'd have to spend another day cooped up with our loved ones, not to mention toxic levels of leftovers, and the number of domestic drumstick assaults would be even higher than it is.

But in all seriousness, I want to wish you a happy Thanksgiving. In closing, let's join together in singing this traditional Thanksgiving song that we vaguely remember from childhood:

"Over the river and through the woods,

To grandmother's house we go!

The horse is reluctant,

And we can relate,

Because grandmother's house has that weird smell."

--Dave Barry

funny. i always had real homemade pumpkin pie in our house in the mountains with a maid to wash the dishes. i'm not so fond of tofu.

we whiskey ewe a MARY kiss-mas

It's thanksgiving and I'm pretty sure that within 4 hours I'll have lots of pictures of me in a green shirt to post about. Until then, consider yourselves lucky to view a mere glimpse of the vast storehouses of my creative genius. You can start feeling jealous now.

At first glance i know what you are thinking "wow, what a great looking set of feet" Yes, they're mine but more importantly, look at the toe nails...it just gets better....
This work of art is a personal favorite. starting price 6,000 dollars. but heres the best part...you can set it as your desktop backround FOR FREE. thanksgiving special...limited offer, lasts only until december 1st...


--Christy

and november's when christmas is nigh...

we're going to decorate the tree this evening!! plus have (part 2 of) christmas outreach meeting...just to "wrap up" the "loose ends" we're so excited right leigh? "but if its 200 children its like...i have cake all over me, we just lost an orphan for five minuets..."
also i finally decided on my favorite christmas song...WINTER WONDERLAND!! its the best. I'm going to go listen to it right now. Goodnight ya'll.

today was such a good day at the market. everyone was pleasant and the pineapple man gave me beer! the egg pervert tried to dance with me again and another lady gave me free tacos. i got home Chris had brought back ice cream for us all!! lee got a new desk to fill with her secretary junk and i bought a nice big mirror for our door. we started singing practice which was so exciting for me. i just love twirling those big red skirts and shouting brrrraahaa! AI YAI YAI! whenever i can. its gonna be a great christmas.

have you ever???

Shoplifted: i never got into it
Been fired: i have been asked not to do a job anymore
Been in a fist fight: hahah one time christie and i fought till first sign of blood shed but we're not violent with each other anymore
Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back: ahhaha well christie and mishu were drying dishes for jonny depp all night but im not sure if thats called feelings
Been arrested: no
Gone on a blind date: no. but i'd like to date a blind man
Lied to a friend: rarely. only if it really will make everything better.
Seen someone die: i watched 2 of my little dogs die slowly of food poisoning from rats and cried alot
Been on a plane: of course!
Purposely set a part of yourself on fire: no i treasure my life
Eaten sushi: christie and i are sushi queens! no wait christie is the banana queen, of course.
Been jet-skiing: no, but i will. its on my to do list.
Been moshing at a concert: of course.
Taken pain killers: i keep a little jar in my purse in case christie gets a headache. i just hate it when shes unhappy.
Loved and missed someone: who hasn't??
Made a snow angel: yes, but there was no snow.
Had a tea party: once we had a tea party on the top bunk but it collapsed and fell over. i was so scared i never had another one.
Flown a kite: alot
Built a sand castle: yeah
Gone puddle jumping: not so much. i couldnt stand to get my feet wet and we didnt have those nice shiny boots they were only in story books.
Played dress up: wow, so many stories are coming to my mind...
Jumped in a pile of leaves: no. i could never make a pile anyhow the wind would blow them everywhere
Gone sledding: asskiing!
Cheated while playing a game: nope. i like to win fare and square
Been lonely: when your used to doing everything with a little girl called christie and then you leave (again) you are always lonely
Fallen asleep at work or school: in devotions sometimes...if its a really long prayer
Used a fake ID: i have a new little drivers license and i plan to use it!
Watched a sun set: of course! when i'm with the kids i make them sit and watch it. its good to enjoy the simple things in life.
Felt an earthquake: ahhahha woke up and ran to the garden to "wait it out" but there was nothing in our flee bags so people kept going back to the house to get their stuff it was so dumb and we werent prepared at all
Slept beneath the stars: if you have a storage room to sleep in and windy steels dans room you are forced to right christie?
Been misunderstood: yes i'm terrible at communicating.
Petted a reindeer/goat: yes alot of goats
Run a red light/stop sign: *cries a river of tears*
Been suspended from school: i was home schooled. only once did my parents get so fed up they swore they would send us to the ashram school.
Been in a car accident: no but i did see my life flash before my eyes on the road to mazatlan
Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night: gross
Danced in the moonlight: yesh
Witnessed a crime: from our hotel window, it was so thriling!
Been obsessed with post-it notes: nah nyna was so i didnt need to be aswell.
Been lost: oh yes. a black man asked me if i was lost and i said no and ran away. pretty smart? you bettcha!
Cried yourself to sleep: i used to alot when i was a kid.
Laughed so hard you peed your pants: no because we dont have week bladders
Cheated on a test: just a LIGHTUNIT TEST ahhahah
Been kissed by someone you didn’t like: yes but i didnt hate them either
Gone skinny dipping in a pool: yes rachel is the best little buddy for this

holy jack cuddles and money

i got lost today.

so i did what any self respecting little girl would do and waited in one place till someone found me. Lucky for me that place was Barnes and Nobles. I started reading this great book, well actually I only got through the first 10 pages but it was killer.

Holy Cow! --An Indian Adventure (by Sarah McDonald)

I'm sick and tired of books about India (..Asia in general) that try to make it sound so out of this world and mystical as if there were monks meditating on every flippin corner. "As the plane landed I caught a wiff of the rich and cultural aroma of cardimon and thick incense, it sparked within me a feeling of wellbeing, rebirth and blah blah blah.."

Bullshit! all the Indian airports and train stations I've been to smelled like dirty mop water (at best). Anyhoo this is what Sarah had to say about her landing. "Somewhere over Chenai I become aware of an increasingly rhythmic prodding on my upper thigh by somthing long, thin and hard. I open my eyes to see a brown finger with a long nail closing in on my crotch. The finger is attached to a scrawny old Sikh in a turban beside me..."

Like I said, I dont know how the rest of the book goes but the part I read was right on.

on a completely unrealated topic...

"When the whole world fits inside of your arms, don't really need to pay attention to the alarm."
--Jack Johnson

I lost my alarm two weeks ago, so I dont know where that puts me.

Speaking of people that want hugs every morning...I'm really not affectionate. Neither is Julie and I cant say why. The only time I like to hug people is if they REALLY DON'T want to hug me. Like Julie.

But, RACHEL, if you pretend not to want a hug just so that you can get one, I will see straight through that.

today I resisted the urge to buy three delightfully tacky, amazingly useless, deliciously unhealthy items:
1) a candle that said "angel dust" on it
2) a notebook with hearts and monkeys on the front
3) a family sized gallon jug of Arizona green tea (con miel)

wooohoo! more saved money to go into the V.M.F. (visit mishu fund)
oh and speaking of saving my little piggy bank is doing well. only three times so far did I shake the living day lights out of him trying with no success to get my money out.

Right now I just wish I could sing

my desktop backround...

CLARA!! i miss you and julie so much...everytime i walk downstairs and see the pictures in the hallway :( i love you!

happy halloween

beauty fall weather is finally here. went on a hike of death today with the older girls i was just complaining about the bugs and the steep danger cliffs and getting home before dark when i realized i'm just like my teachers i used to laugh at and then trick. weeeeird. also we had a little halloween party organized by lee and myself and got to hang out with katrina how nice. here you can see her and nadia...such beauty queens. ah and this one i love...nadia in her puff jacket. she wears this every morning to breakfast as if we're in the arctic. and nadia and i as geishas. ok well nadia dressed as marlin monroe but, of course, she had to copy me and change clothes in the end...how fun. i just love holidays. cant wait till thanksgiving!